November 12.

Today, i find myself wanting. my wants aren't materialistic, nor measurable. I want change. Thanks to mr.obama, the word change holds less meaning for me. his "change" is one that is almost unobtainable. the weight that his mouth, so willingly, placed on his shoulders is beyond that which any man should attempt to hold. Along with the weight, Obama has taken the pressures that come with it. if he achieves his goals, he will be considered more than just a man. his successes could effect the human race in a positive way, but in the same degree that hitler did. if one man can bring the whole world into conflict and put an entire ethnic group on the endangered species list, then why can one man not save an entire nation from tradition? I mean, "tradition"... I feel that tradition is the only reason why people can not move on. we are always concerned with what our parents did, yet we (i) do not understand that impotence of what is happening now. in my history class, i find myself getting sucked into the past. i feel emotional and question things that have already happened. always looking backwards, i feel like that is the problem. until this year, i never cared much about history--the past is just the past, why should i care about what i can't change...? but history books tell the story of a people in a colorful way, it is like reading a novel or something. and that is what history books are--just wordy novels. the only history is the one that i live, everything else is just a story. I don't even know my direction anymore. I want to change the person that I am today. Tomorrow, I don't know who or what I will wake up to be. Read off ever cliche in the book--tomorrow isn't guaranteed. I don't know what i can rely on anymore. my DREAMS are beginning to slip, and i can see the history of my life being written out right in front of my face. change is what i need in order to progress, move forward. i changed to get to where i am today (weak) and i need to change back to get to where i want to be (strong). i know i need something, i just have a hard time differentiating from wants and needs.
-Z.a.H.