November 12.

Today, i find myself wanting. my wants aren't materialistic, nor measurable. I want change. Thanks to mr.obama, the word change holds less meaning for me. his "change" is one that is almost unobtainable. the weight that his mouth, so willingly, placed on his shoulders is beyond that which any man should attempt to hold. Along with the weight, Obama has taken the pressures that come with it. if he achieves his goals, he will be considered more than just a man. his successes could effect the human race in a positive way, but in the same degree that hitler did. if one man can bring the whole world into conflict and put an entire ethnic group on the endangered species list, then why can one man not save an entire nation from tradition? I mean, "tradition"... I feel that tradition is the only reason why people can not move on. we are always concerned with what our parents did, yet we (i) do not understand that impotence of what is happening now. in my history class, i find myself getting sucked into the past. i feel emotional and question things that have already happened. always looking backwards, i feel like that is the problem. until this year, i never cared much about history--the past is just the past, why should i care about what i can't change...? but history books tell the story of a people in a colorful way, it is like reading a novel or something. and that is what history books are--just wordy novels. the only history is the one that i live, everything else is just a story. I don't even know my direction anymore. I want to change the person that I am today. Tomorrow, I don't know who or what I will wake up to be. Read off ever cliche in the book--tomorrow isn't guaranteed. I don't know what i can rely on anymore. my DREAMS are beginning to slip, and i can see the history of my life being written out right in front of my face. change is what i need in order to progress, move forward. i changed to get to where i am today (weak) and i need to change back to get to where i want to be (strong). i know i need something, i just have a hard time differentiating from wants and needs.
-Z.a.H.

November 11.

Love...

That is what I want to give,

Whether it be to my mom, dad, or the man walking on the street.

One day, I want people to see me for ME.

Not the wild haired boy that isn't doing much with his life,

I'm more than a man in all ways but one:

My heart is so right, but my mind is so wrong.

-Z.H.

Just a little something.

Because the nation rate of rural high school college-going graduates ranges from 30 percent, in some states, to 70 percent in others. The nation average of rural college-goers is around 50 percent. With some Urban high schools have 100 percent of their graduates go on to college. The staggering contrast of success between the two, urban and rural, gives raise to the methods behind each. Rural high school school's curriculum does not prepare students for the rigorous curriculum colleges require students to complete. Students from Rural communities are ill-informed about college and do not make attending a priority.

My letter to the future.

Dear Mr. Tedford,
My name is Zacq Hale. I am currently in my sophomore year, attending school at Pasadena City College. My freshman year I struggled academically, and as a result I am now sitting this year out because my gpa from last year. My struggle list can go on for ever, but what I really want to know is how I can walk onto your school. I've been working hard in school to correct mistakes I made last year--school wise, things are going very well. I don't know if I want to spend another year at the jr college level, because i feel that can play with the best--why waste my time in limbo when I can work on the specifics, and in the place I want to be. My plan is to get into the school with my grades and just walk onto the team. I would then work my ass off to EARN a scholarship and a starting position. I just spoke with my advisor today, and he let me know of the difficulty of this task--I know it is going to be hard, but I know that I will do it. It is a long shot, but I just want to run it by you. I will be speaking with my coach to see what he thinks about me leaving and he might support it (I don't really know). I just have a vision, please let me know how realistic it is. I apologize for the length of this letter, I just had to let you know what's going on.
Thank you (if you made it this far).
-Zacq Hale.
p.s. Good luck with ASU this week--Throw hitches at #5 (he can't tackle).

It's been a while.

Shout out to Big Pooh and Phonte for making yet another song that is the real-"Always tryin' to impress these niggas with expensive-ass liquor I don't even like that taste of..."

I have been changing--Mentally, physically, emotionally--all that. I'm am struggling with the "un"side of me; unfaithful, unspiritual, unwilling, uneducated. And the side that is ready for change, and progress. I love learning, but I try to act lazy because what I've always done directly portraits laziness(I guess). It is frustrating to be held back by yourself, but I get an ill feeling in my stomach when I feel like I need someone else (human) to get where I want to be. I hate depending on other people--family, friends.... bums. Any one that isn't the alpha and omega has no place telling me what I should do. And I 'm beginning to figure this out and put others to the side. Finally removing the barriers between God and Me, but to my "dismay", my biggest obstacle is my self. Which is the old me, that guy that has had a good heart clouded by evil. I'm clearing the evil, really I am. But I'm starting to feel possessive over the 'bad' things I have always done: ie, sex, girls, vagina, legs, skirts, talking to girls.... looking at girls.... touching girls. I really have grown quite fond of Shorties, and don't want to let 'em go. I just know that I need to in order for me to get where I want to be. The last time i had sex..... ughhhh, I didn't even want to do it--which made it better (for me...) but I felt like she wanted it FOR REAL. I didn't even work it like I should have because I didn't want to do it. i thought I was on a new leaf--the one without sex. But with one hinting gesture towards sex I folded like a t-shirt.

People struggle from time to time, I guess. I don't like the whole one night "love" thing because of all the disrespect that is involved, but I get caught up sometimes. I have to stay on my grind in order for me to go anywhere... and seeing how I have class at seven in the morning, I should probly be getting some zzzZZzzzzZ.

-zH.

My Mind.

I hate noting, but can never follow my mind.--I mean, halfway through a thought I've already changed my mind four or five...(or six or seven, maybe none, sometimes sixteen) the shit is crazy. I can't even keep up, so You should have some thrill in finding some genius in these thoughts--that's from the heart.

-once again.

Girls that fall in "Fuck Me Pumps".

Shit, everyone knows 'em; the bitches that think they are fine--which in fact they are, but just because they act like it is what gets to me. Amy Winehouse(that cracked out breezy) said it best when she described the "Fuck Me!" girls: "the only reason married men don't go home to their wives". The girls that get all glamed up and go out and get fucked up then fucked every weekend; hollywood women. Personally, I can't stand the shit. But I find myself falling under the spell of the "Drunken Hot Girls" from time to time. Of late, I've hardly been victimized, 1: because I live in a new place and don't really have the usual list of little hoochies--funny thing about Idaho is that the shorties out there didn't wear heels, so I've never really fully experienced the full "Pump" yet. 2: The people I see everyday, these "californians" as you will, never stop displaying the "Pump" swagger--It's like every girl just wants to get fucked but doesn't want to come out and say that shit like that. I don't see what is so bad about saying(verbally) what you feel; Most people get a pretty good read on what your hopes and dreams(of the night) are extreamly quick style. Ex: A GIRL who is all "hollywooded" up, walks past the same guy six or seven times. Nothing on the opposite side of the room that really catches her eye, but this one dude is attractive and is yet to speak to her... those are the kind of GIRLS I'm talking about, I can't stand girls like that but I feel like everywhere(I mean EVERYWHERE) these kind of fake overconfident(overzealous*, misled, arrogent, d-seat-ful, COCKgobling, assholish) females always find a way to get under my lid.

(will elaborate some other time).

-Z. Hale.

The Zone.

We loved with a love that was more than love,
I and My Ash-ly.

Gathering Of the Masses.

I'm some what reluctant to even jump into all this, the reality of millions of people actually reading this material is non existent. No one is going to get famous from taking part in this relationship,the one between the reader(you), critic(you), and I/Me/Je. Really, I just want to write and have some people take part in reading my thoughts without it being via "the 'space" or English class. It is a good feeling to have everyone agree with what is being said, but the only instance in which it occurs is when you're talking to yourself. And that is how I'm looking at this blog, just have my brain explained. So by all means, I'm not sure if you can do it on these blogs, but if possible, comment on what you think I think. e-mail me if not, zah0749@mail.paccd.cc.ca.us
Peace, peace.

Day one:
"Hi".... I have to go now.